Elopement: There is Nothing Romantic About It

Elopement, also known as wandering or bolting, is defined as slipping away or escaping.  For parents of children with autism prone to this behavior, it means living in a constant state of alert.  A state of fear.  It has been in the news more and more as of late as we are losing more and more of our little super heroes to it.  With all of the therapies we've been blessed to recieve, not once has anyone educated me on this not-so-commonly discussed side effect of autism.  Not once.  ...and I'm not alone.  Roughly half of parents say the same thing in regards to advisement and education on wandering.

A few mornings ago, my little spidermonkey came into my room and climbed into my bed, like he does every single morning.  Seems like he learned ages ago how to climb over his 39" gate system even though he's just a few inches taller than it is.  He had his brother's iPad and seemed quite content in his tent under my covers as I started the shower for us.  I started putting some stuff away under the counter in the bathroom as I waited for the water to warm up.  When I turned back around, he had left the room.  A split second after that, the doorbell rang.  I knew.  My heart stopped and I knew.  He'd gotten out.  ...but how?!?  Hadn't I secured everything? 

I had put "child-proof" safety covers on all of the door knobs leading outside.  Two of our deadbolts require several turns of the switch to open, so he stopped bothering with them.  ...but then there was the carport door.  An easy one-turn dead-bolt, but I had a safety cover on the door knob.  It wasn't enough.  In the blink of an eye, he went to that door, took the safey cover completely off and was out in the street.  Naked.  Someone driving by stopped and he ran back into the house.  I thank God for that.  I never stop wondering what will happen the next time he outsmarts my safety measures.

Children prone to elopement usually head for the deadliest of places once they've escaped, busy streets or bodies of water.  Many are also prone to shed their clothing during the course of their elopement event, such was the case of the 11-year-old autistic girl tasered by the Oregon State Police in June.  According to a recent article by David Crary of the Associated Press, there have been 60 deaths attributed to wandering in the last four years.  Of the deaths in recent years, about 91% of those are drowning fatalities and it is reported that most of the remaining individuals died after being struck by an automobile.  About half of children diagnosed with autism have the tendancy toward elopement.  This puts the number of children at risk currently at over 500,000 and rising.  The article also goes on to point out that those with the tendancy to wander usually have reduced speech capabilities and an inability to absorb lessons on safety and the consequences of danger.

Some parents resort to sleeping in their child's room in an effort to catch them before they are able to wander off at night.  It becomes a matter of literally never letting your child out of your sight.  For those dealing with this, every day includes a state of hypervigilance that can become exhausting.  Vacations are avoided, family get togethers are missed, all in attempt to keep their children safe.  We all have to cook, clean and shower sometime, constant monitoring is simply not humanly possible.  In addition, those with the tendancy to wander watch for the moment the smallest gap in supervision arrises and they spring into action.  So, what do we do? 

Below are some suggested ways of dealing with the dangers of elopement:

Preventative Measures

• Enroll your child in a swimming course to reduce their risk of drowning during and elopement episode.  The final lesson should include the child being fully clothed.
• Address elopement concerns in your child's IEP meetings.
• Use locks and alarms on all doors and windows.
• Use of visual cues such as a red STOP sign on exterior doors and windows.
• Give your child scheduled time with the source of his elopement attraction.(water play, swimming lessons)
• Be mindful of elopement triggers(for those that bolt AWAY from situations or things). 

Vacation and Family Gathering Safety

• Use a portable lock system while away on vacation or while visiting family or friends.
• Use temporary tattoos while on vacation to include emergency information.
• Always have one person in front and one behind your child when hiking or on family outings.
• Use the TAG system to ensure that your child is being watched during family functions.

Emergency Management Measures

• Use ID tags or bracelets and tracking devices for authorities to be able to quickly ID or track your child(where capabilities exist).
• Advise local law enforcement, rescue services, any of their caregivers and trusted neighbors of your child's tendancy to wander and his usual path.
• Develop a family emergency plan in case of an elopement event.
• As a Emergency Response Worker, ALWAYS search around water first!

*The products I've suggested are merely examples, a starting point to guide you in the right direction. Search the products available and find the ones that best fit your family's needs.


In my quest for answers and advice, I have found the following sites to be extremely helpful:

AWAARE Collaboration
Awaare is a site that provides helpful, downloadable checklist and tips as well as a listing of helpful services available in your area.

NAA Checklist
This is a detailed cheklist of steps you can take to help ensure the safety of your little superhero.

KennedyKrieger Institute
Includes some very interesting statistics regarding elopement.

The Bottom Line

If you're struggling with elopement issues with your superhero, you must understand two things:  you are human and they are very determined.  Statistically, you will face an elopement event regardless of how secure your home is or how vigilant you are.  This DOES NOT make you a bad parent.  Proactively notify your local emergency services.  In the event you need to call them, you can do so without fear of judgement if you've made them aware of the situation.  Do not let fear of judgement or pride stop you from immediately seeking help should elopement occur.  Above all, breathe.  Take a moment, take a breath, have a hot cup of tea and know that you're not alone.  There are many like you, myself included, who face the same fears and the same questions.  While proactive education regarding elopement has a long way to go, it looks like the information and resources are out there.  When you finish that tea, get out and spread the word.

The Waiting Game

We are so lucky.  We are so very infinitely lucky.  My little spidermonkey's pediatrician asked the right questions, did the right assessments and we found out very early that there was a cause for concern.  He has had speech and CBRS(play) therapy since he was 18 months old.  Just from my limited knowledge of physiology and the human brain, I knew that the sooner we worked with him, the more favorable the outcome.  Just from a common sense standpoint, it is easy to see how quickly little ones adapt and learn versus older children.  What I am finding out now is that early intervention may be the key to whether or not autism truly is a lifelong diagnosis. 

An article published in the American Psychological Association suggests that catching autism in the toddler years can give therapists a chance to essentially rewire and reshape an autistic mind's tendencies.  It is like catching a ball mid-flight and setting it back on the right path.  Once the ball has gone too far, and the brain is no longer changing at the same rapid rate, the opportunity is missed...permanently.  Once a child is school-age, therapies change from moulding to one of adaptation.  What this means as a parent?  Have your child tested.  Period.  Do not make excuses, do not turn a blind eye, do not think that they will "catch up".  If you suspect that something isn't quite right, don't be ashamed or afraid to say something.  I am saying this because I have had several friends admit that they know mothers who are waiting on their children to "outgrow" signs of autism.  The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends that all 18 & 24 month old children be screened for autism.  Here are some common concerns to look for based on an average 18-24 month old child with autism:

• Does not respond to his/her name.
• Cannot explain what he/she wants.
• Has language skills or speech that is delayed.
• Doesn't follow directions.
• At times, seems to be deaf.
• Seems to hear sometimes, but not others.
• Doesn't point or wave bye-bye.
• Used to say a few words or babble, but now he/she doesn't.
• Throws intense or violent tantrums.
• Has odd movements or patterns.
• Is hyperactive, uncooperative, or oppositional.
• Doesn't know how to play with toys.
• Doesn't smile when smiled at.
• Has poor eye contact with others.
• Gets "stuck" on things over and over and can't move on to other things.
• Seems to prefer to play alone.
• Gets things for him/herself only.
• Seems to be in his/her own world.
• Seems to tune people out.
• Is not interested in other children.
• Walks on his/her toes.
• Shows unusual attachments to toys, objects, or schedules (i.e., always holding a string or having to put socks on before pants).
• Spends a lot of time lining things up or putting things in a certain order.

My little guy did not display all of these signs at 18 months.  Some signs did not show then showed up later on.  Some of these symptoms, he has overcome.  I nearly cried the day he began feeding me his Cheerios. He now has great eye contact and responds to his name.  His journey has been proof positive to me that, with continued hard work, I can...and will help him over come every single bullet point on this list that currently applies. 

Do not put off knowing.  I understand how scary it is, but having an accurate diagnosis is so very important and so very powerful in getting our little superheroes the help they need and deserve.  The waiting game is a losing choice no matter which way the ball falls.  Talk to your pediatrician about any concerns you might have.  Be brutally honest and accurate with yourself and your pediatrician when completing the M-CHAT autism screening.  If your child is neurotypical, you will have gained the relief of knowing.  If you've been blessed with a superhero, put on your matching cape.  It's time to get to work.

Are You Bitter or Better?

Okay, this is your warning.  I am upbeat and positive 99.9% of the time, but there is something out there that just chaps my shorts.  There was a group post talking about people who praised parents of children on the spectrum.  The person had said that God gave them their child because He knew they were strong enough to handle it.  The parent was less than thrilled with this and went on a tirade about it.  For the love of biscuits, can people not just take a compliment?  The person was praising you for being a good parent and strong person.  Say thank you and move on.  People, mostly self-admitted bitter people, were being way too sensitive.  It got to the point of being ugly about what was meant to be an act of encouragement. 

I watched that thread devolve into a self-pity filled, angry pill.  There was a lot of admitted bitterness regarding their children's diagnosis and limitations.  It seemed that any well wisher was not going to be very well received.  This was not one person, but many.  I bit my tongue...nearly in half.   

You have two choices when you face adversity in life.  You can let it make you bitter, or you can allow it to make you better.  Ask yourself which serves your child best?  Which fills you with energy and which drains you?  Is it bitter?  Or better?  It is your choice to make, but I choose to allow his diagnosis to make me better.  Am I happy that he has Autism?  Do his developmental delays have me singing in the aisles at the grocery?  Heck no!  However, he didn't do it. The well wisher that attempts to give me an encouraging verbal pat on the back didn't do it either. 

I am a Christian.  I believe with my whole heart in God's plan for me and my family.  That includes Christian's diagnosis.  I truly believe that God will do great things through him and he will have an amazing life.  Unfortunately, the saying "God doesn't give us more than we can handle" is widely misunderstood.  He doesn't give us more than we can handle together.  We aren't meant to do it alone.  If you're finding yourself biting on a pill of bitterness of your own, reach out.  There are autism support groups all over the Internet and usually local ones as well.  Every child is different, but you never know if there is someone out there going through your exact situation unless you get out there.  Network and you're sure to have at least one person who can give you tips and tricks for managing life on the spectrum roller coaster.

Let's be honest.  There are good days and bad days.  That is true even with children who aren't on the spectrum.  Do I have bad days with my little Spidermonkey?  Absolutely.  I mentally focus on the good though.  That is just how I am built.  We celebrate each new development.  We get loud and clap when he gets it right.  We do a dancey dance and we are silly.  That is just how we roll.  It is what works for us. 

Childhood is meant to be fun, Autism be darned.  We make his learning fun, we make him laugh his way out of meltdowns.  Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't.  Like most things in life though, happiness is a choice.  What you focus on is your choice.  Dwell on the successes, let go of the failures.  Hold onto the happy moments and take what information is important from the bad ones and then send them on their way.  I view this path as an adventure I am travelling on with my little fella.  At two and a half, he has been an outstanding guide.  Seeing things through his eyes has been a blessing and a gift.  It has taught me to see details and moments that might have otherwise been missed.

During the Thanksgiving season, I stumbled upon the image above, floating around on Facebook.  Friends, there truly is always, always, always something to be thankful for.  See the good, and be a positive force in the life of your super hero.

~steps off my soapbox and tosses it in the back of the closet, cause if I don't put it away, the spidermonkey will use it to get into the cookies...again~